I was checking my email yesterday (which I do about 12 million times a day) and in one of my accounts was a fresh new “restaurant review”. Always excited for more content and feedback, I opened the email to find this:

A new comment on the post #17 “A Pocket Full of Rye” is waiting for your approval
…/a-pocket-full-of-rye

Author : Joe Blow (IP: 71.252.64.50 , unassigned.fema.gov)
E-mail : joeblow@yahoo.com
URL : http://joeblows.com
Whois : http://ws.arin.net/cgi-bin/whois.pl?queryinput=71.252.64.50
Comment: does not exist. No such place! Phone number disconnected. This guide is totally lame!

*sigh* Needless to say I was disappointed and mildly irritated.

I actually do get *polite* email from locals periodically letting me know when a restaurant has closed or opened or changed management, etc. I don’t have a problem with being told I have some no longer correct data; things change all the time and I just can’t keep up with every single little change the instant it happens. I rely on tips and info from the user base to keep things current — and I appreciate the help.

What bothers me about this are a couple things.

1. Instead of emailing me privately, he elected to submit a bogus review hoping to have it appear publicly to embarrass me. Um ok… that’s mature.
2. Instead of leaving his email address and name so I could respond back with a “thanks for letting me know” or “thanks to Bob Smith for the tip” acknowledgment, he chose to leave a fake name and a fake email… probably because he knew he was being a Jerkface McMeaniehead but doesn’t have the cajones to own his own jerkface-osity.
3. Why do employees of a government agency that is already not known for having the best PR in the universe go around leaving “anonymous” snotty messages on blogs? Don’t they have better or more constructive things to do with their time — their paid-for-by-MY-tax-money time?

Since I can’t email directly back to this guy, I shall take advantage of my little soap box here to issue my response… and then I’ll print out my reply and snail mail it to the FEMA office in Indianapolis to the attention of whomever is listed as being in charge of said office, just so that the Federal Emergency Management Agency in Indiana is aware of how their tax-payer-funded resources are being used. Maybe if I’m feeling particularly snarky, I’ll cc the Washington DC office (and maybe the Colbert Report since way more people pay attention to Colbert anyway).

My response

Dear Mr. Blow,

I’m terribly sorry you encountered an outdated listing in my Dining Guide. Unfortunately, I am just one person and sometimes restaurants close quietly and I don’t realize they aren’t there anymore; however, I think it is rather harsh to say that the entire guide is useless.

(Not to mention just plain rude — especially when you don’t have the cajones to leave your real name or email address)

I do state several times on the Dining Guide that if any new information is available about any of the restaurants listed, or if there are any other comments or feedback, to please feel free to send us email. Submitting bogus reviews is not the proper means of alerting of us of new information.

In the future, you can send updates and corrections to updates@lafayette-online.com.

Thanks again for letting us know about the outdated information, and thanks in advance for your cooperation in the future.

In Summary…

The moral of the story is that unless you’re using proxy services like HideMyAss.com or something along those lines, you’re probably leaving enough clues behind so that anyone who cares to can trace it back to you. Maybe not ALL the way to you specifically, but far enough to cause problems…

But Carolyn… what if I’m not leaving any snotty comments or otherwise being a delinquent? What if I’m just doing research for my business?

Yes, what if you are just doing research for your business… on a competitor’s website? Hrm? You think they won’t notice? You think they won’t *mind* that you’re snooping? They might not… but then again they might. Do you really want to take that chance?

Also, the secondary moral of the story is don’t be a Jerkface McMeaniehead. Being a pecker just because is not only pointless, it is unproductive and makes people like me do things like send certified letters to your boss. So there.

This post is courtesy of CSHEL Chicago SEO
Anonymous Comments Might Not Be So Anonymous

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The woman below replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the
ground. You’re between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.”

“You must be a programmer,” said the balloonist.

“I am,” replied the woman, “How did you know?”

“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct, but I’ve no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help at all. If anything, you’ve delayed my trip.”

The woman below responded, “You must be in Management.”

“I am,” replied the balloonist, “but how did you know?”

“Well,” said the woman, “you don’t know where you are or where you’re going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you’ve no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it’s my fault.”

This post is courtesy of CSHEL Chicago SEO
Programmers vs. Management

What I’m doing and planning…

• The biggest thing I’ve been working on is rebuilding Lafayette Online one section at a time. As much as it looks like I’ve been ignoring cshel.com, I assure you, I’ve ignored Lafayette Online 8 million times worse and it’s time I fixed it up and started taking care of it.
• We’ve finally soft launched the new site at work. (Yay!) So with luck, there will be less frustration and much more getting stuff accomplished in my near future. (For the record, I’m still mad at the consultants.)
• I’m learning schloads about WordPress, and I daresay I’m getting pretty good with customizing themes and what not.
• We’re gearing up to get back into recording SEO 101 Podcasts on a regular schedule.
  • Regarding the SEO 101 Podcast… if you’d like to ask a question and have us answer it on the podcast, please feel free to leave your question on the podcast’s website or on the WebProWorld SEO 101 Forum.
• I’m putting together my 2008 search conference schedule for the office so they know when I’ll be gone (and where I’ll be in case there’s an emergency — and when isn’t there an emergency?)
  • If anyone is interested, I’m currently looking at attending SMX West, SES NY, SMX Adv, SES SJ, SMX East, and PubCon; however, the list is subject to change and won’t be even semi-final until late next week.

Anyhoo, if you still don’t feel you’re getting frequent enough updates about my day to day life via the blog, please feel free to follow me on Twitter.

This post is courtesy of CSHEL Chicago SEO
Really, I’m not dead or anything

Most Popular by Impressions

1. Carolyn’s Turquoise Toes: 570 views

2. Jack and Lola: 259 views

3. The Spa at Green Valley Ranch and Resort: 229 views

Most Popular by Favorites

Carolyn’s Turquoise Toes (see above)

Barry Schwartz in the Press Room

Loren Baker and Tamar Weinberg

DaveN, Oilman, Dax and Tamar

As an aside, I vaguely wonder if there exists a photo of Dax in which he IS NOT doing the arched Elvis eyebrow thing

Most Popular by Comments

Carolyn’s Turquoise Toes: 5 comments (again, see above)

So like, which nametag is right? (Starring Rebecca Kelley) 3 comments

The MadHat and the guy who can explain SEO (Brian Chappelle): 2 comments

Space Needle: 2 comments

Tagging…

I know Barry didn’t tag anyone because he didn’t know who had/had not a Flickr Pro acct; however, I know Rhea has one, so I’m tagging her, and I’m also acknowledging I still have an unanswered tag from her that I need to tend to.

This post is courtesy of CSHEL Chicago SEO
My Most Popular Photos

Ingredients:

1 Box of Graham Crackers
2 Sticks of Butter (1/2 pound; each stick is 1/4 pound)
1 Cup of Brown Sugar

What to do:

Break graham crackers into smallest unit possible as dictated by the perforations in the crackers.

Heat oven to 375 degrees.

Line a jelly roll pan or cookie sheet with crackers (it’s okay if they touch each other)

Put the butter and the brown sugar in a saucepan and bring to a rapid bowl (probably on medium to medium low heat. The recipe doesn’t say, but trust me you DO NOT want to burn the butter.)

Pour the butter and sugar mixture over the graham crackers and make sure they’re completely covered.

Put tray in oven and bake about 10 minutes (until bubbly)

Remove from oven and let sit for a minute or until they’re cool enough to handle.

With a spatula, remove from tray and place on a piece of foil to cool. (DO NOT STACK. They’ll stick together.)

Let cool completely.

This post is courtesy of CSHEL Chicago SEO
Poor Man Toffee

This is how SEO 101 rolls…
Chuck E Cheese. 7:00pm. Two pizzas, cupcakes and $50 in tokens.

Oh yeah.

This post is courtesy of CSHEL Chicago SEO
So Not Rockstars

Regarding the PageRank update: No loss in traffic, doesn’t seem to be anything hurt but my pride. I strongly suspect I’ll survive.

Regarding TechCocktail 6: I hear it’s sold out now, so yay that I remembered to r.s.v.p. early this time. It’s scheduled for Thursday, November 15th at John Barleycorn in Wrigleyville (where it was the last time it was in the city… was lots of fun). Sadly, I may not be able to go if I end up being sent back to Omaha (again) next week. If that happens, I’ll be happy to give my “confirmation for 2″ thingy to someone who is able to attend but didn’t sign up in time. If I am going back to Omaha, I’ll post something to the blog to see if anyone is interested in the tickets… please don’t email me about it til then. :)

Regarding Omaha: *sigh* I only wish I could tell you about the festivities, because this project is really the poster child for “What is a tragic comedy?”. On the upside, I’m racking up the frequent flier miles and I’m on a first name basis with the hotel staff, the starbucks drive-up girls, and the car rental people.

On the downside, I think my kids have forgotten what I look like.

With luck (crosses fingers), this insane travel will be done by the end of the year for sure and life will settle back down. Until then I will be more vigilant about posting. My biggest fear has just been that my posts will start to look much like my Twitters (e.g. me whining about the travel and the project and generally venting to prevent insanity).

This post is courtesy of CSHEL Chicago SEO
PageRank Update, TechCocktail 6, Omaha

1. I was a band geek. I’m sure that surprises no one, actually. I played the cello in third grade, but switched from orchestra to band (with the kewl kids) in fourth grade. Because I like to be number one, and there’s really zero competition for first chair when you play an instrument no one else in the universe plays, I played the oboe. (I can feel whatever cool points I might have had just draining away right now….) In high school, because you can’t march with a double reeded instrument, I played mallet percussion in the marching band… what does that mean? That means I stood on the sidelines and played the xylophone. <channel Glenn_Quagmire>Oh yeah</channel>.

2. I drive a Jetta that has 135,000 miles on it. It’s navy blue (to match my clothes, because when I got the car 8 of the 9 suits I owned were navy blue), and I used to recreationally yell “Fahrvergnugen!” whilst driving because I love my car so much and because it’s just such a fun word to say.

3. I have two blue point Siamese cats that I got from the Siamese Rescue. Their names are Jack and Lola (those are the names they came with) and they’re littermates. The adoption process was incredibly lengthy (essay questions, references from friends, neighbors, vets, employment verification, etc… seriously, it should be so hard to have a human baby), but despite the approval process, we’re very happy we got the moo-cats because them is super kewt and we wuv them lots (which is actually how I talk to them… because they only understand babytalk, you know).

The year before we adopted Jack and Lola, I had gotten my daughter a kitten from a regular pet store for Christmas, and unbeknownst to us, the kitten had picked up Feline Infectious Peritonitus from one of the other cats (terminal, incurable). FIP is an unpleasant way to go, and poor Cinnamon was so tiny to begin with, she had left us by Easter. My daughter, who was 5 at the time, was devastated. When it was time to find a new kitten, I decided to go through a rescue because they seem to be more vigilant about screening the cats for illnesses and really care about matching the cats with the new families. They matched us with Jack and Lola, and we drove 6 hours each way to pick them up from the cat transporter people who had brought them up from Kansas.

Oh, also related to the whole Christmas Cat Gone Bad incident… Less than a year after we got the meezers, Lola ate a ponytail holder and it tore a hole in her intestine and she almost died. Because it was an “ouchless” hair thingy, there was no metal on it, and the vet couldn’t tell from the xray what was wrong with her… all we knew was that she couldn’t eat anything and was down to 5 pounds (from her normal close to 12). The vet advised me to just put her down because exploratory surgery is expensive, etc. and there was no guarantee she’d survive, but because Gretchen was still shaken up over losing her last cat, there was no way I could have her new cat whacked just because WE left a ponytail holder out where she could get it. After 2 surgeries, a 2 inch section of resected intestine and $3,000 later (which at the time I didn’t have so I borrowed some from my mom and put the rest on my credit card), Lola is still with us and healthy and happy and tipping the scales at 13 pounds.

4. Other than a 2 week trip to Vancouver for business (during which time I did not see the outside of the hotel or conference center), I have not been outside of the US and I don’t have a passport.

5. I have a baseball card collection. Mostly Upper Deck though, because they’re prettier than the other brands. I have a Ricky Henderson rookie card in a block of lucite (1980, Topps) because I’m sure it might be worth something some day… and I have an obscene quantity of Mark Grace cards, posters and autographs because I had a HUGE crush on him when I was in junior high. Oh, I also have a ticket stub autographed by Harry Caray from the day my friend Jaime and I skipped school to go downtown to see the Cubs play… the only problem was that we sat 4 rows behind homeplate (so that every time the batter was on TV you could see us sitting there in our varsity jackets with our names on them… d’oh!).

6. I refer to my children as “the boy” and “the girl”… why? I have no clue. I just do and other people seem to think it’s funny.

7. I compulsively correct people’s spelling in IRC…. why? Because I suspect I’m a tad OCD.

8. I like scarves and hats. I like scarves a lot, actually. I have pashminas out the wazoo, and a big blackwatch plaid scarf thingy I wear when I’m chilly around the office (which is pretty much all the time for some reason). My old boss used to call it my poncho, and therefore called me “Pancho Villa”…. much to my chagrin.

Verily, I tag…

1. Rhea Drysdale
2. Dave “NeO” Brown
3. Rebecca Kelly
4. Jon Heinl

This post is courtesy of CSHEL Chicago SEO
8 Random Things About Me

(Let the linklove begin…)

People whom I already knew were:

• martinibuster (Roger Montti, who I know from PubCon‘s past)
• Todd Malicoat (StuntDubl — our first guest on the live SEO 101 on WebmasterRadio.fm, replete with fresh tats)
• Brent Csutoras, of Weird Asia News fame
• and Lawrence Coburn of RateItAll.com

People whom I just met last night (and gave me business cards so I’d remember their names and sites):

• David Mihm, a design marketing consultant in SF who is also from Illinois (like me) and recognized my Chicago accent (which, btw, I don’t think I actually have one, but if you say so).
• Laura Lippay, a Yahoo-er (is that what they’re called?) and fellow Gemini, who also identified my (non-existant) accent as that of a Chicagoan.
• Lorna Li, search marketer, blogger and green activist (as per her kewt wee little business card)
• Natasha Robinson, aka That Girl From Marketing. While last night was the first night I’ve actually met Natasha, I’ve seen/chatted with her in the WMR chatroom several times (and she also has a kewt wee little business card — I think it’s a Bay Area thing, but dammit, now I want one!).

There were other people I remember talking to; however, being as it was at a bar, and I had been up since 5:00am Central and was incredibly sleepy, my memory just isn’t what it usually is… so if I’ve left anyone off the list that should be here, drop me an email :)

This post is courtesy of CSHEL Chicago SEO
San Francisco SEO Meet-Up Recap

My cats, btw, are beside themselves with joy to have a human in the house again on a regular basis… I think they started to think they’d been abandoned — My children on the other hand, are probably slightly upset that I’m home again because when I’m gone they’re with grandma and, I mean really, what’s not to like about being with grandma for an extended period of time?

SEO 101 Broadcasts and Podcasts
In the middle of all the work craziness, I’ve also been recording podcasts with David (NeO) Brown and Brian Mark for SEO 101: The Beginning SEO Podcast, and doing a live SEO 101 show on Thursdays from 12:00p-12:30p CST on WebmasterRadio.fm. I’m in the chatroom during the live show, and we’re posting recaps of the shows on the show website.

I’m probably going to stop posting my recaps on cshel.com, but I plan to figure out a way to keep a running list of which archives are posted and links to the recaps.

SES San Jose
I am definitely going to SES San Jose. Have flight and hotel arranged, have time off from work (at the worst possible time imaginable) arranged, and I’ve almost got grandma convinced to take the kids for yet another week. I suppose if that falls through I can try to have the kids boarded with the cats at the kennel. (I’m KIDDING… it’s a JOKE. Really. I’d never do that. That would be wrong.) Anyway… definitely going.

I’ll be blogging at least 8 sessions for Search Engine Roundtable, so you’ll be able to keep up vicariously with all the assorted SES happenings.

I still don’t have a replacement cable for my camera, so I’m not making any promises about posting pictures, though I will be taking them. I just don’t know when I’ll be able to get them online.

Also, please someone remind me on like the 16th or 17th to freaking pack my stupid power cord for my laptop.

Other Projects and Things I’m Supposed to Be Working On
I’m looking for an unpaid minion helper to give me a hand keeping Lafayette Online updated with local news and community events, etc. It’s pretty easy work, it just takes 30 minutes a day or so.

If you or anyone you know is interested in helping me out, and you (or the person you know):

• Has a more than firm grasp of the English language (proper spelling and grammar, etc.)
• Has a some basic understanding of journalism
• Is reliable (and that is super important!)
• and sincerely wants to be my minion helper for a link and a credit on the staff page (with a photo even!), but for no money.

…then by all means, email me at carolyn[at]cshel.com and give me a run down of your qualifications, why you want to be my helper-monkey, and how much time you can devote to me the project. Preference will be given to residents of Lafayette or West Lafayette, Indiana, residents of the Chicago area (specifically the far-far South Suburbs), and Purdue University students.

I have several other projects I will be needing help with, but I’m just not in a position to worry about them right at this second. Also, please don’t email me to pitch me on rebuilding Lafayette Online, because that is outside the scope of the current project plan — and I won’t save your email for when I am ready to think about redesigning/rebuilding the site; I’ll delete it.

This post is courtesy of CSHEL Chicago SEO
Work, Conference and Podcast Schedule